Death of a thousand cuts

Mai jos, complet, luat de pe IMDB, review-ul scris de userul bobloblah-17843 la filmul Paris can wait.

Why?

Pentru că am văzut filmul și-am citit câteva review-uri, iar ăsta mi-a reținut atenția. Filmul propriu-zis cred că cel mai prost film din istoria filmului. Sau cel mai prost film văzut de mine. Asta chiar și dacă Diane Lane e una din preferatele mele, îmi plăcea să cred că semăn cu ea. Mi-a spus asta cineva demult sau poate doar mi-am imaginat că mi-a spus. Nici măcar ea nu-l poate salva. Plus că am văzut că-și cam dă ochii peste cap, nu joacă chiar așa bine, de fapt. Doar seamănă cu mine, asta e marea ei calitate.

Textul de mai jos m-a captivat prin drama personală ce transpare din el. În afară de partea de la urmă, extrem de moralizatoare, restul rantului e uluitor de plin de emoții.

A se observa că vorbesc despre comentariul omului, care merită mult mai multă atenție decât o singură scenă din filmul ăsta. Nici măcar nu m-a relaxat, să zici ce e un chic flick și-l vezi fără bătaie de cap. Îl vezi bătându-ți capul cu întrebarea ce-au gândit că fac toți acei oameni care au depus și efort să-l producă. M-am plictisit de 1000 de ori și-am așteptat să se termine. Cam după 10 minute de când a început filmul, am început și eu să aștept sfârșitul. Și mai e și lung. Notele pe IMDB încep de la 1, dar în cazul ăsta ar trebui să poată fie notat negativ, pentru că nimeni nu-ți mai dă înapoi timpul pierdut cu el.

Omul a suferit, a fost mințit, trădat, înșelat și ceea ce scrie despre film nu e despre film, cât despre durerea lui. O încercare de a pune lumea in the right way. His way. L-am citat aici ca un reminder pentru mine cât de tare ne colorează emoțiile toată realitatea.

I was really irritated after watching Paris Can Wait. As a middle-aged male who has been betrayed (more than once) in past relationships with women, I did not find Anne’s new-found joy and excitement to be cute, inspirational or anything to celebrate. Quite the opposite, I found it reckless, insensitive and selfish.

If the gender roles had been reversed and it was “Dan” instead of “Anne” having the traveling fling with a woman, indulging himself in fantasy, exchanging passionate kisses and winking so shallowly at the camera in the end scene, women all over the globe would come unglued. There would be boycotts, protests and the filmmakers would be labeled as misogynists. Alec Baldwin’s character Michael, while detached and self-absorbed, was not a bad guy. He seemed to genuinely love his wife and was committed to his marriage, but struggled to balance a demanding job with being present in his relationship. I should mention that it didn’t appear Anne had an active career in this film, so while Michael toiled away at work clearly earning enough money to keep her in the lap of luxury, she repays him with infidelity. Can’t have your cake and eat it too. The lifestyle to which you become accustom (and chose) can sometimes come with sacrifices. Be an adult and deal with it, or leave it.

I think the deeper point here, and where the rubber meets the road, is Anne chose him with all his flaws. I’ll never understand how some women think they can or should change a man to fit some subconscious expectation or mold they have in their head. News flash, your man – he is the same man he was when you met him, and when you chose to commit to or marry him. You picked him. If you don’t like your choice then be an adult and end the relationship. If you are struggling to connect or be happy in your relationship, invest your time and energy in problem solving, connecting and showing love and respect to each other. I don’t see how seeking these things outside your relationship contributes to or solves anything. Love and relationships are an investment, kind of like a financial investment. How can you build wealth in your retirement accounts if are spending all your money on fleeting things where in the end you have nothing to show for? It is the same thing.

Some might say, oh lighten up man it’s just a silly Rom-Com. To that I say, death of a thousand cuts. I believe movies like this create an atmosphere of permissiveness, and unravel the fabric of what it means to stand by your choices, be committed and put your effort and energy into strengthening your relationships instead of selfishly tearing them apart. Women of all ages will likely see this movie and think it was cute and funny, and probably say things like “you go girl” and “good for her”. Nope, wrong. Once again, if the gender roles had been reversed, I seriously doubt these women would feel the same.

I saw Bridges of Madison County when it was released in the mid-90’s. I’m a big fan of Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep and so my initial thought was the movie was well put together and was a bitter/sweet love story. Then I just couldn’t stop thinking about how Streep’s husband and children were away at the state fair for the weekend and how she betrayed her family. This is where the “sweet” in bitter/sweet disappeared from my opinion. Once again, her husband was a good and loving man, he took good care of his family. For his trouble his wife cheats on him and almost leaves him for someone she barely knows. I admit I have found stability to feel a little stale and even be boring at times, but given the consequences, I would never choose to betray my lover and hurt them so deeply for some fleeting thrill. If a relationship isn’t working and I have exhausted all remediation, I end it, otherwise I continue to work on it.

Every woman I have discussed my opinion with about Bridges of Madison County with walked away with a very different and challenged perspective. Same with Paris Can Wait. If you are a woman reading this, all I ask is to think about how you would feel if the tables were turned. To be clear, men that cheat are weak and selfish jerks and should held accountable just the same. I think a good rule to live by is don’t be a weak and selfish jerk, and don’t condone this behavior in others, even if “It’s just a movie”. Vote with your dollars, that seems to be the only thing H-Town cares about. Support stories about real love, and subjects that elevate humanity instead of destroying it.

A healthy society cannot exist without morals and values. They serve as a compass, kind of like traffic laws. We all know and are conditioned to stop at a Red light, this is a really good thing. Red lights mean stop and Green lights mean go. These are established rule sets that help us as a society to know what to do in a given traffic situation, and how to be considerate of others – you know, so we can all get to where we’re going efficiently and safely. If there was ever a good reason to have a set of rules I would say traffic laws top the list. Can you imagine a world where everyone just did what they wanted, did what they felt in the moment with out any consideration for others or the larger picture in life? It would be like every person for themselves on the road, driving fast, driving slow, running Red lights, stopping at Green lights. It would be chaos. Commitment and fidelity are important values to live by, so people can feel connected, vulnerable and safe in a relationship. I know how it feels to be tricked and lied to, to be disregarded. It is a terrible feeling and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

If you have ever been in love, I mean deep love (and I sincerely hope you have), you know what I’m talking about and all of this will make perfect sense to you. If not, I hope you find love and in the future this will make sense to you.

2 comments

  1. I think many of these films are produced by narcissists looking to validate their behavior.

  2. I don’t know about this.
    Mostly, they look at ratings and what is trending. Now there is a large mass of movies/series on Netflix about gay life/drugs/monsters.
    And a lot of series now got to have gays and other race people then white. It is just a dumb forever copied receipt.

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